Lenten Cookbooks

At some point during the fast, most people have occaision to check out or think about those Lenten Cookbooks up on the shelf. The shelf may be in your kitchen or in your church bookstore, but one thing is always the same. They are always exotic. Recipes include weird sounding words like pirog or babganoush. And, hey. That's ok with me. I'm open to new things (really, they're so useful during lent that they don't really feel exotic anymore, anyway.) But, sometimes, a person just wants some home food.
That's why I've decided to make my own lenten cook book. I will call it -- "Lent: Orange County Style."
Here are a couple of possible entries that I might include:

1. "Vegetarian Burritos"

Step One:
Drive to Taco Bell
Step Two:
Say "No, thanks" when the kind tape recorded voice offers you some evil bacon and sour cream temptation of the week.
Step Three:
When ordering, say exactly these words (add lib at your own risk)
"I would like two bean and cheese burritos with green sauce, no cheese."
You may substitute "one" for "two", or "red" for "green", but whatever you do, don't just ask for a "burrito."
If you feel lucky, ask for a side of chips, but usually, you have to end up ordering the "nachos" and tossing that cup of yellow orange petroleum distilate they try to pass off as cheese, and which you should get merit points for eating without a court order.

Best eaten on the way home from a late night service.


2. "Bean and Rice Burrito"

Step One: Drive to El Pollo Loco (wear nose plugs unless you are a year round vegetarian type)
Step Two: Order a # 6 BRC Burrito (Beans, Rice, Cheese) with guacamole inside, no cheese.
Step Three: Add yummy salsa on the side.

3. This one, I like to call: "Variations on a Theme"

Step One: Drive to Jack-in-the-Box
Step Two: When ordering, say "Can you give me directions to the nearest Taco Bell?"